TV Recap - BTCC Rockingham (pt 1)

It's BTCC time again, and whilst ITV1 viewers are treated to the "comedy" "film" King Ralph (in which most of the Royal Family die in a car accident resulting in their distant American relative taking to the throne with *hilarious* consequences) the BTCC is once again back on ITV3. Louise and the Kravitz are loitering in the Rock garages and remind us the previous round featured "plenty of contact", "impressive debuts" and "two different race winners". "It's never dull in the BTCC" entices Ted as we get the opening graphics.

And we're back to the Kravitz, who's standing in the middle of the "infamous" Turn 1 at Rockingham. Not quite sure why it's deserved that title, seeing as the BTCC hasn't actually used the full T1 before. Besides, I gather from SCSA and the like that it's Turn 4 that is more deserving of the "infamous" moniker. Anyhoo, I can't help but notice that Ted's shirt collar is tucked in on his left but sticking out on the right, yet another fashion faux pas...

The standings after round 3... the Kravitz mistakenly describes Jones as driving a BMW whilst running down the order. Sigh. Back to Kravitz (and his dodgy shirt) who tells of Plato as the star of the show three weeks previously. As such, we cut to what now appears to be ITV3's version of "Cribs" as Louise invites herself into Plato's home. Lots of trophies around but Jase's favourite is a hilarious ear-clip thingy saying "Bullshit Deflector". Oh Jase, you crack us up. We learn Jase's 3rd most important thing in his life is flying, "a really good way of spending a few quid". Nice to have the money! Anyways, we get some cheesy "Top Gun" stylee music, a close-up of Jase's shades and we're up up and away in his private plane. There's many similarities to flying and racing, Jase tells us. These include having to be "ahead of the game" (yes, but you're not likely to hit anything or punt anyone off IN THE AIR are you?) Louise ponders to Jase on how you take risks whilst racing, but you can't take risks in the plane. Jason replies in the affirmative making it absolutely clear his hands are NOT ON THE JOYSTICK! Talk about not taking risks!! We look down on Rockingham from above and Jason makes up some stuff about overtaking opportunities, even though it's pretty clear he'll just pass wherever. As usual.

Back to the Rock - the Kravitz tells us Plato's having to carry 45kg of success ballast as a result of leading the championship, "almost as much as carrying young Rachael [the grid girl] in the passenger seat". Young Rachael smiles to the camera but in her mind she's all like "Did he just call me fat? Did he just compare me to SLABS OF HEAVY METAL??" Before the Kravitz can get a slap we run down the grid for round 4. Eoin Murray has actually made it to the Sunday this weekend, and starts a very good 5th. In 15th is the new Luton chairman Pinkney. Luton themselves are lower than that in the Championship I fear. Adam Jones has no engine so won't start from the back. "Disaster!" for Turner the poleman whose engine has failed on the grid. The guy just won't get a break. Start attempt #2 - "We're all set" (chug) for the race start as Giovanardi rockets away. Murray gets a shocker, loses a handful of places at the start and then"gets done by Mat Jackson" (Harvey, euw!). All clean through T1 and T2 as Turkington "flies" through from the back of the grid. Lap 2 (although the graphics still say lap 1) - Jackson makes a move on the OC as Murray tries a cheeky move to get by the orange car as well. However, the Alfa just ends up swiping the Beemer resulting in a slightly more dented front end for Murray than before. The guy complains about being tight on budget and having no spares but it would probably help if you didn't DRIVE INTO the other competitors eh? Meanwhile Howell and Allison are having a good dice with the OC and Hughes.

Louise is stepping well into her role of "Bad Luck, XX" as she does in F1, as Turner explains what went wrong. Lap 7 - Jackson nerfs Neal into a slide but he holds it. Ben and Time pontificate how strong the Civic is compared to the old Integra. Some nice onboards with Jackson, but those floating heads still freak me out. Lap 11 - the RAC machines both attempt to biff past Murray as Leggate's MG is depositing oil on the track on the last chicane and onto the start/finish straight, sigh. Slight chaos as Gio and Plato have small excursions on the slippery stuff, but I can clearly see the marshals with the yellow/orange warning flag out so there's no excuse really. Marshals good, Leggate naughty. Still, it gives Chilton a chance to pass Plato, but the TV director instead shows us marshals being engulfed by Leggate's smoky MG. We get a replay though so I'll forgive him. Lap 13 - there's a whopping great hulk of debris just on the outside of turn 3 I think, but no safety car needed. I'll remember that. Lap 14 - the OC whacks Jackson who has trouble saving it as he's in that RWD machine. The RAC cars are still having it out with Murray; Harvey notes Murray wisely stayed away from any contact, but intones it as if that was a bad thing! Final lap - Gio and Chilton take a VXR 1-2. Turk and the OC eventually made it past Murray, although we don't see where or when! Louise invites us to rejoin after the break...

Ads - it's good to see the advertisers are really targeting the BTCC's key audience: adverts for bathrooms, washing machines, washing powder, toilet freshener, dishwasher cleaner and, er, Frosties. Really targeting those 18-35 males eh?

We're back to the Rock, and the Kravitz has sorted out his shirt! Hooray! Less importantly VXR got a 1-2 in the first race. Gio says "was a great race for all ze teams", "we had a problem with da hoil" and he was "like Oh My God". So his grammar and pronunciation are shocking but at least he can blaspheme perfectly well eh? Chilton tells us "oil is the WORST THING IN THE WORLD to hit". Nothing worse, apparently. The drivers give us their opinions of Rockingham (might have been better to have this *before* the first race?). Howell doesn't like the infield but chooses his words carefully. We're now onboard for a lap with Chilton who talks us through the circuit. Again, would have been better to have this before the races eh?
(tbc...)