The Unofficial BTCC Drinking Game™

Don't fret... this will be updated for 2009 in due course! In the meantime, whack on that 2008 Review DVD and make do with the following:

New for 2008! And updated!

Version 2008-1.9 - Silverstone 2008

Rule are simple - simply drink a finger's worth of beer/cider (nothing stronger, especially since the ITV4 coverage is a good 5 hours at least) every time one of the following occurs...

ITV - drink when:

• Anyone says "You're watching BTCC on ITV4"
  
• ITV cut to an ad break during live racing ((i.e. not during a safety car period)
  
• ITV cut back from an ad break and miss the restart of a safety car period
  
• An advert is shown for a BTCC manufacturer or sponsor of a BTCC team
  
• A change of lead is missed by the live cameras
  
• We see a genuine race between the backmarkers when they're not a) being lapped b) crashing into each other or c) crashing into the scenery
  
• ITV cut to an in-car driver interview and the driver can't hear them at all, or is completely muffled by their helmet
  
• The wrong caption is shown for a driver or team member
  
• Tim Harvey is captioned as "1992 BTCC champion". It's been 16 years man!
  
• Janie Omorogbe sounds like she hasn't a clue about touring cars
  
• The race 2 winner blatantly sneaks a peek at the ball he's about to pick for the reverse grid draw
  
• ITV cut to a shot of a driver's wife/fiancée/girlfriend
  
• Ted Kravitz is dressed like a wannabe Top Gear presenter
  
• Upcoming F1 on ITV is plugged (double if accompanied by "Lewis Hamilton" in the same sentence)
  
• Upcoming ITV football is plugged
  
• Upcoming ITV boxing is plugged

Ben Edwards - drink when Ben says:

• "Let's take a look at the grid then..." or "Let's see how they line up..."
  
• "We're all set for..."
  
• "...has really got his work cut out..."
  
• "Away we go...!!!"
  
• "SIDE BY SIDE!!!!"
  
• "...going to be fascinating to see..."

Tim Harvey - drink when Tim:

• Says something that doesn't make sense
  
• Goes "Ooohhhhh!"
  
• Squeaks in a pitch so high it's only audible to dogs
  
• Mentions that he's driving in the Porsche cup
  
• Describes something as a "tank-slapper"
  
• Says something that could easily be interpreted as innuendo e.g. "touching and rubbing up the side" or "coming up from behind"
  
• "Plunges up the inside!"
  
• Says "Here we go...!" when introducing a replay

Drivers - (drink whenever the phrases are used in conjunction with the drivers):

• Giovanardi - "reigning BTCC champion"
  
• Neal - "switched teams"
  
• Turkington - "Ulsterman"
  
• Jackson - "Andy Priaulx's world title winning car from last year"
  
• Chilton - "switched teams"
  
• Plato - "runner up"
  
• Turner - "unlucky"
  
• Bell "front-wheel drive"
  
• Vaulkhard - "Geordie"
  
• Jones - "new SEAT"
  
• Kane - "Porsche racer"
  
• Collard - "returning"
  
• Allison - "GT champion"
  
• Hughes - "MG"
  
• Taylor - any mention aside from grid lineup, crashing out, or wiping off another front bumper
  
• Doyle - "very much a privateer team"
  
• Shedden - "Scottish"
  
• George - "Cornish"
  
• Jordan, M - "father"
  
• Jordan, A - "son"
  
• Kizilirmak - "Turkish", or whenever Ben Edwards pronounces "Erkut" more like "Aiirrrrrrrkut"
  
• Taylor - any mention at all, except crashing or talking through the grid
  

Teams - (Drink whenever the phrases are used in conjunction with the teams):

• Team Halfords - "much improved Civic"
  
• SEAT - "reliability"
  
• VXR - "three car assault"
  
• Team RAC - "WSR"
  
• BMW Dealer Team UK - "new backing from BMW" (even though they don't...)
  
• John Guest Racing - "first father/son team" or similar
  
• Motorbase - "new BMWs"
  
• Robertshaw - "as raced in the World Touring Car Championship" or "Reasonably Priced Car"

Tracks - (Drink whenever the phrases are used in conjunction with the circuits):

• Silverstone - "home of the British Grand Prix"

Misc - drink when:

• The safety car is deployed (drink x2 if it's deployed for no obvious reason; drink yet again if Tim Harvey implies Alan Gow is behind it all and has thrown a "NASCAR yellow")
  
• Two team-mates collide (x3 if it's the Jordans)
  
• Someone stalls at the start
  
• Someone comes into the pits
  
• Dan Eaves is mentioned
  
• James Thompson mentioned
  
• Yvan Muller is mentioned
  
• Team 48 are mentioned
  
• Xero Competition are mentioned
  
• A BTCC driver is directly compared to a current F1 driver
  
• A driver deliberately plugs one of their sponsors
  
• A driver wipes out a sponsor hoarding
  
• A grid-girl winks at the camera
  

Drink responsibly. Alcohol is a bigger killer than motor racing. Honest.